question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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