He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
