I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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