so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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