My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Life is so much better after having sex.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
