Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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