I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize