Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
