I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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