i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
