Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just want to make out with him forever
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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