He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
