i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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