I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
