Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
