I CAN MOONWALK!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
