Betty ford says i'm here all night
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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