i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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