I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
