He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
