I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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