I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
