I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
