im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize