at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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