why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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