She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
