u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
