thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I could fuck to npr.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
