After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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