I think my vagina is haunted
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
