Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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