it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
