last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
