someone get that fucking seahorse.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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