am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
