dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Someone shit on the floor
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i came on her dog
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
