are you still at the devil's house?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize