She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
