It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
