She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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