**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
