So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
