its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
