Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
