Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
