Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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