bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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