booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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