Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
