Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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