Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
