he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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