i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
