if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
