Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
