I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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