Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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