I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
