i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
