Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
