Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
