But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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