So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
