Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
