remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
