big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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