I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
