I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize