Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
