Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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