Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
