I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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