My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
