Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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