U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
its liver damage thursday
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
