wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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