Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
