Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
