I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
