that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize