Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
