Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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