I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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