my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
