Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
